We just passed our first anniversary, and I feel just as newlywed as I did a year ago. Yet my disbelief at the turn of life events has not lessened any more over the year. This morning I journaled:
I still don't know how to mentally process the state of marriage. How do I stop feeling like a traitor to singleness??? How do I accept what I am now? Married. A wife. A woman with a husband. It is a new identity I simply cannot [seem to] adjust to. I took great pride in my identity as a happy single woman. I now take pride in my identity as a happily married woman and joy in filling that role. But I can't erase those feelings of being a traitor. WHY???When will I stop feeling guilty for being the one who got married when I had friends who longed for marriage? I don't understand it. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I keep wondering HOW to embrace my wonderful, blessed new identity without guilt. I know God does NOT intend for me to feel guilty for the amazing gift He has given me. A gift that grows more beautiful all the time. A gift that I came by honestly, faithfully, and obediently.
(pictures from Christmas day 2013 with half of our parents)